I mean Diana Ross.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Be a loner at school

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.