Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.