Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.