A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.