Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.