start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

thumb_up thumb_down -106

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -126

when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

thumb_up thumb_down -126

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

thumb_up thumb_down +37

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

thumb_up thumb_down -3

always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

thumb_up thumb_down -5

When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.