When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.