When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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listen to madonnas new album

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.