Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.