- Things You Think Only You Do

Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.