I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Tear up when I poop

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Be a loner at school

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.