Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.