Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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listen to madonnas new album

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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I somtimes think about what I would o if I had a wish and I go into a lot of detail about it in my head and then realize it will never actually happen

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.