I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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Poo really loud

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.