Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.