The older I get the more honest I get

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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I piss in the bed every night

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.