start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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I check behind the the shower curtin before I use the bathroom at night.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.