Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.