I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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Courtesy flush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.