Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.