Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.