Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.