When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.