fall asleep in the shower.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.