think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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I piss in the bed every night

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.