i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Ur mum

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.