strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Sometimes I toot.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.