Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.