fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.