I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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play on your game for ten minutes before you realise why you stoppedd the last time

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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I can't stop watching ST:DS9, (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) It's so awesome, but then I just, (the same thing happens with whatever T.V. show i watch) GET COMPLETELY OBSESSED with it.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.