Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

thumb_up thumb_down -119

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

thumb_up thumb_down

After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When you're alone in a room and you have to turn on the TV so it's not as silent...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

thumb_up thumb_down -22

While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I don't read the terms of service.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I hate being called "buddy".

thumb_up thumb_down -36

google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.