Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Get really annoyed when something interrupts your yawn... then try and force yourself to complete the yawn

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.