I chew around the center of carrots.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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close one eye or the other to move an object near by when I'm bored -Noel

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.