When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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never push to hard on the railing of a tall building, just in case its loose and you end up falling off.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.