If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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shag your mom

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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kick something under the fridge that you dont want to pick up

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

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run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Everytime I get in my car at night, I turn the light on and check behind the back seats to see if there's anyone waiting for me. Then lock the doors when all is safe.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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On YouTube, if someone comments a time in the video (or in the description) I always click it for fun, even if it doesn't work. Like if someone comments "it's 4:12 right now" on a 2 minute video I click the link.

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.