Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I push the door open with my stomach

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I can only play a piano with my right hand

thumb_up thumb_down -25

humiliating little girls

thumb_up thumb_down -27

After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

thumb_up thumb_down -39

go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

thumb_up thumb_down -41

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

thumb_up thumb_down -61

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.