get home from work and masturbate instantly

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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watch cartoons even though most of my friends don't

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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When drunk, I often grab something, lift it into the air, and yell "I GOT THE POWER!" just in case it turns me into He-Man.

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Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.