in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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Not answer a question or something of the sort Evan if you know you know the answer because you are paranoid that you are wrong.

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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I bought a ps4 and really regret it.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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When I'm waiting for someone who is late. I go-over in my head how I'm going to greet them. For example "Well, it's about damn time", or "Finally!".

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Running round the house like I'm Lara croft or someone from a video game :D it's fun

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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draw the sun at the corner of the page

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In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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When out I like to "people watch."

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.