smoke marijuana

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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I have never disliked any video on YouTube with not many views ( no matter how bad it is ) because I feel bad for the uploader.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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When making something I pretend I'm making a YouTube video of it and pretend I am getting lots of views

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Okay so probably like everyone else, when Schapelle Corby was found with drugs on her in bali I thought she was innocent but now since she was let out of the prison I am wondering if she did do it?

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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jack off

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.