I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Look up definitions of acronyms in text messages or Facebook that I feel I should know because I'm teenager.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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If there is a big spider in the house I will act cool and take it out even though inside I'm screaming

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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i draw pictures of pokemon on comments (\____/) (??????)

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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I repeat (in my mind) the person's name that I want to dream about when I go to sleep

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Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I start kicking the bar of soap.

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

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When you're in your late teens, you blare the car stereo when driving near girls that are walking. When you grow up, you turn the radio down in fear that you look like a tool bag.

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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Things I did when I was little: Slowly close the fridge door to see the light go out before it is closed all of the way. Put the light switch in between "OFF" and "ON". Walked in to a room and forgot why, walked out then remembered. (STILL DO!) Drew the sun in the corner of the paper. Put a flashlight in your mouth to see yourself, "blush".

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.