Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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Say what even when u heard someone

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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jack off

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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I look for comments in this site that are on or close to 0 so that when i like or dislike them, i make a difference to the outcome :)

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.