oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

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I repeat (in my mind) the person's name that I want to dream about when I go to sleep

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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Look up definitions of acronyms in text messages or Facebook that I feel I should know because I'm teenager.

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become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I start kicking the bar of soap.

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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If there is a big spider in the house I will act cool and take it out even though inside I'm screaming

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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When you're in your late teens, you blare the car stereo when driving near girls that are walking. When you grow up, you turn the radio down in fear that you look like a tool bag.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.