get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Go outside and pee.

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When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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Any time I hear someone speaking with an accent, I start mimicking that accident. –Ikka

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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Count the number of letters in a word or phrase.

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When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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If there is a big spider in the house I will act cool and take it out even though inside I'm screaming

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When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.