sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I don't like to sit with my back to the door incase someone or something sneeks up behind me, it's even worse with headphones on.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

thumb_up thumb_down -40

When i wake up from a good dream, i close my eyes and imagine the ending in different ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down +29

calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Had a dream within a dream, just like Inception. You woke up and it felt so real you were sure of it. Then a bit later you wake up again.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Go on Omegle video chat and worry that you'll see someone you know

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I like to poo while smoking.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

When I do a fresh pile of laundry I throw them on my bed and lay in them.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hate Skydoesminecraft.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

get annoyed by people singing a song only to show off their brilliant voice and automatically think that they cannot sing as good as they think they can

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sleep with one leg on top of the covers and the rest of your body under them.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.