Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

thumb_up thumb_down -15

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

humiliating little girls

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

start planning Halloween costumes on November first.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -39

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.