When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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This song will not come out of my head!

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.