When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Look at a word and count the letters by 2's - continue counting the letters over and over by 2's until it comes out even at the end of the word.

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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Squeezing my cat's face back so it looks Chinese.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.