Somehow can't find anything good to eat after going grocery shopping... even if you buy Oreos

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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I give my own posts a thumbs up whenever I have the option and I know that it's anonymous.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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Stop in the middle of a walk, then picture every face of every person you saw during that walk and what you were doing just in case a detective or police officer stopped you and asked "where you were at a this time?" or "have you seen this person?"

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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When eating food leave back the food u like the most for last

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.