Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

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Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

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I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

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stand in front of a mirror with your headphones in, and lip sync the words of the song playing to pretend you are singing in a music video

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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Am I the only one that thinks of things, and force yourself to not to think about it, then you hear people laugh or go "OHHHH" so you think that you said your thoughts out loud and everyone heard?

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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I find it really hard to not respond a insulting youtube comment with a hopefully even bigger insult.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.