Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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listen to madonnas new album

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.