Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Go into a card shop, laugh hysterically at the funny ones, then leave. Then whilst walking down the street, you think of them again and burst out laughing. This is highly embarrassing when you're alone!

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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When ever my boyfriend doesn't reply to a text for a few hours I always imagine a worse case scenario and end up crying hystaricaly.

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You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

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hate Justin Bieber

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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Sometimes I beat box when I am alone.

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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misread dig bick

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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I brace myself and close my eyes when I send an email to my teachers or parents.

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Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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When you fart in class but try to cover it up by moving around so other people think it was just the chair squeaking.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.