When I get a worksheet or a piece of paper with BIG TITLES I immediately shade in all of the gaps in the o's, p's, d's and all other 'hole letters'. And then I start shading in all the words when I finish.

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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I want to suck on your penis

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I have one friend I always punch in the shoulder at least once when I see him.

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something happens with a person that u were close to but then they become an asshole, u get mad, and when u stop talking feel really depressed even though u hate them

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Food is always tastier the SECOND time you heat it up.

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.