Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I always poke myself in the eye when I put on mascara, then have a wild hand spasm so it gets all over my face.

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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KICK THE CAN

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.