Am i the only one who noticed that the title of this page has a grammatical error?

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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Everytime i take of my sweater i start singing "its getting hot in here"

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I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

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become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

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check shower for murder then pee

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.