When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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sit on the toilet when taking a crap and play my iPod or laptop at the same time for something to do.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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After watching a video of someone doing something tiring, I always feel tired in whichever body part they were using in the video

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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sometimes I get so bored watching tv that I have an incredible urge to throw the remote at the tv. I would never do it, but I always fear I might and break the tv.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.