What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

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When I have headphones in, I wonder if my swallowing is extremely loud for everyone else too.

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Post on this website, then give yourself the first thumbs up to kick-start your success.

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Turning on the TV for background noise when I'm on my computer.

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whenever im doing sumthing im not suppose to i feel like everybody knows what im doing

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Sometimes I have a dream in the morning that I checked my clock but then when I wake up Im perplexed when Ive gone back in time -Ethan

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When reading something you have different voices for the characters/people.

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THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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Things I did when I was little: Slowly close the fridge door to see the light go out before it is closed all of the way. Put the light switch in between "OFF" and "ON". Walked in to a room and forgot why, walked out then remembered. (STILL DO!) Drew the sun in the corner of the paper. Put a flashlight in your mouth to see yourself, "blush".

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.