I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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when i meet ppl i often think of them as if two other ppl i know had a baby even if they are the same sex.

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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write a test and the information i studied most is not on the test

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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shag your mom

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Waking up from a really bad dream that you thought was real and then thinking about it all day worried that it actually happened

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humiliating little girls

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.