I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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think that you are wasting way too much time on this website and that you could be exercising right now or be doing a million more productive things than righting about doing more productive things on things you think only you do.

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i use dental dams

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.