When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +992

Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

thumb_up thumb_down +1,510

If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,625

Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,574

I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,562

wipe your hands on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +1,414

Someone asks a question and you say "what?" and then answer them because you actually heard but didn't realize it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,512

When on long car rides, I always look out the window and imagine a little man running alongside the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,351

Wonder if someone is ever doing the exact same thing you are at the moment.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,433

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

sit in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down +676

Eat or drink something tpretending it's some sort of fuel that'll give you powers.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.