My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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wonder who wrote these things

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.